At the age of 17, Jill Robbins had an abortion. It was highly traumatic and was unfortunately only the beginning of a self-destructive lifestyle she pursued for years.
Jill became involved in drugs and promiscuity, which, in turn, resulted in the rapid decline of her mental health. Jill’s life was falling apart until she found the only One who could put the pieces back together again.
The following is a summary of the podcast interview above with Jill Robbins. Many more details are included in the original podcast episode and we encourage you to listen.
A Rough Start
Jill Robbins had a troubled childhood. Her parents argued frequently, and her father was a ladies’ man who was unfaithful to her mother on multiple occasions.
By the time she started elementary school, Jill’s parents were divorced, and Jill would not see her father again for the next 10 years.
She didn’t know it at the time, but the absence of Jill’s father would leave her for vulnerable for years as she searched for love and acceptance.
An Empty Church Experience
Jill’s mother took her children to church faithfully every Sunday, but Jill grasped very little of what was preached. In Jill’s mind, it was easy to displease God, and He felt distant from her everyday life.
By high school, Jill couldn’t fulfill her need for belonging through home or church, so she began began pursuing a lifestyle that she knew was wrong but at least offered the promise of love.
Even though she was still attending church every Sunday, during the rest of the week Jill lived a double life as a heavy partier and drinker. But she was about to find out that sinful choices have difficult consequences.
When Jill was 17, she realized that she was pregnant. Jill’s mother had had no idea about her daughter’s double life, let alone that Jill was pregnant. So when Jill broke the news to her mother, her mom immediately fainted.
Only Jill and her mother knew about the pregnancy, and they were determined to keep it that way. Sadly, instead of being concerned about what God thought, they were terrified of what their extended family or church family would think if they found out that Jill was pregnant. As a result, they were desperate for any solution.
Unfortunately, Jill already had an idea about how to fix the problem. Roe versus Wade had recently been decided by the U.S. Supreme Court. Jill was determined not to live with the shame of her pregnancy for nine months and convinced her mother that the only path forward was an abortion.
Because Jill was 17, she had to obtain parental consent before she could have the abortion. Since her father was no longer in the picture, only her mother could grant consent. Seemingly out of options and scared of other people’s opinions, Jill’s mother agreed.
After the abortion, Jill was overwhelmed with terrible feelings of guilt. Even though the church as a whole wasn’t talking about abortion, Jill knew that what she had done was absolutely wrong. She felt so guilty. Not only from the abortion but also about the double life that she had been living.
Jill did the only thing she thought she could do to appease her guilt in God’s eyes. She got baptized. Somehow, she believed that baptism would wash away her sin and make her feel clean again.
But it didn’t. Jill still didn’t understand about Jesus or his free offer of forgiveness. All that Jill knew was that the harder she tried to be a “good girl,” the more she failed.
Spinning Out of Control
Jill and her mom began quarreling bitterly, and shortly after graduating high school, Jill moved out. Jill was consumed by feelings of guilt and self-loathing. Because she felt as though no one loved her, she began to believe she was completely unworthy of love.
Subconsciously, she began treating herself as though her life no longer mattered. She became very promiscuous and began using drugs intermixed with long nights of partying and heavy drinking.
For years, Jill continued her self-destructive lifestyle. She couldn’t find any type of stability, and her life felt meaningless. Jill hated herself and who she had become, but no matter how hard she tried or how badly she wanted, she just couldn’t seem to change.
Her Mind was Slipping
Around this time Jill began worrying that she was losing control of her mind. There were some days when she would wake up with such overwhelming paranoia that she couldn’t even get out of bed to go to work.
On other occasions she would feel depressed or overwhelmingly worried. She knew that her usage of cocaine and marijuana couldn’t be helping matters, but whenever she was at a party and drugs were passed around, she felt irresistibly drawn to them and couldn’t restrain herself.
Slowly, Jill felt like her mind might be slipping away and that she was going crazy.
But then one day, Jill received a life-changing invitation.
An Unexpected Voice
Two of Jill’s co-workers invited her to attend a Christian conference for a week. Although Jill lived a very worldly lifestyle, she still considered herself to be a Christian. She didn’t feel the need to go to a Christian seminar, but she didn’t think it would hurt either so she agreed.
For a week, Jill heard various Christian teachings. But what made the greatest impact on her was hearing about God’s authority over his children and the protection that He offered them as a loving Father.
Jill had been surrounded by Christianity her entire life, and had undoubtedly heard the Gospel many times. But hearing the authority of God emphasized over and over again for a week at this conference, along with how God cared for His children, made a deep impact on Jill.
On one of the last days of the conference, Jill was sitting outside the auditorium reflecting on all that she had heard. Suddenly, she heard the voice of God. Not audibly, but within her heart.
She heard God say, “You’re going to be ok in your mind.” Instantly, Jill felt an indescribable peace in her heart and an assurance that all of her mental problems were now over. Jill was stunned. She had never heard God before and had no idea how to react.
After years of living a double life, claiming that she knew God when she had no clue who Christ really was, Jill had finally encountered Jesus, her Savior. Not only a savior from her mental problems, but the Savior from her sins. A Savior who could wash away the sins of her past including her self-destructive lifestyle, her drug usage, her promiscuity, and even her abortion.
A New Creation
While Jill cannot point to any specific moment when she prayed a prayer of salvation and made a commitment to Christ at the conference, she knows without a shadow of a doubt, that when she came home she was a completely brand new creation.
Her life made a complete 180 and she immediately threw off her old lifestyle of drugs, sex, and partying. The things of the world which used to seem so alluring, now seemed completely repugnant and distasteful.
Jill was no longer attracted by the lies of the world which had promised to fill her but only left her feeling hollow. Now Jill was filled with an indescribable joy from the Holy Spirit.
Jill Robbins Today
Jill eventually married another believer named Dave and today they have 3 children and several grandchildren.
Although the effects of the abortion and her former lifestyle presented hurdles in their marriage, Jill and Dave have found that their faith in Christ has allowed them to work through these challenges.
As time has gone on, Jill has found healing from her abortion, first and foremost through Christ. Jill recognizes that He is the ultimate source of hope and forgiveness,
Jill has also found healing by sharing about her abortion experience at church settings or with vulnerable women when appropriate.
Just recently, Jill has finally spoken about the abortion with her mother. They have both apologized and forgiven each other for the role that each of them played.
Today, Jill is an active participant in the Abolition of Human Abortion movement and can often be found at the Texas legislature, testifying on behalf of pre-born children and fighting for their protection.
Jill’s story is reminiscent of Genesis 50 when Joseph tells his brothers that what they had intended for evil, God used for good. Jill had originally sought out an abortion to hide her sin. Although the abortion was horrific, God now uses that terrible experience to fight for the lives of other pre-born children.
Jill hopes that all of us remember that there is no sin so great that it will separate us from the love of God and that God can use anyone, with any experience or background, for His Kingdom.
Abolish Human Abortion website: http://abolishhumanabortion.com/
Abolish Abortion TX website: https://abolishabortiontx.org/