#48 Hope for the Porn-Addicted Pastor - Garrett Kell
For years, Garrett chased women, drugs, alcohol, and his own pleasures. But after being radically saved he began serving the Lord as the pastor of a growing church.
Yet Garrett carried a dark secret, an addiction to pornography. But as Garrett would discover, the same Jesus who came to save the sinner, also came to deliver the saints.
The following is a summary of the podcast interview above with Garrett Kell. Many more details are included in the original podcast episode and we encourage you to listen.
Written by Jace Bower
“Cool” With God
Garrett Kell grew up surrounded by cultural Christianity in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. The church that Garrett’s family attended taught people how to view the world with Christian principles and how to live a “good” life but never reached deeper to the need for the Gospel.
Garrett believed that he was saved and quickly became good at living with a mask. He was one person at church and another at school. He got involved in partying and this would characterize his life from early high school into college.
He attended Virginia Tech University and used his new independence to dive headlong into a life of partying: drinking, drugs, and relationships. Throughout this time, Garrett continued to think that God was tolerant of his behavior.
When Garrett was almost killed in a head-on collision with a propane truck, his family’s pastor told him that God had spared him because He had a plan for Garrett’s life. And while that was true, in a way, it also emboldened Garrett to continue living for himself while believing that God was “cool” with his behavior as evidenced by protecting him from a wreck that should have been fatal.
Seeds Are Planted
But God was pursuing Garrett. At first, it was through people Garrett noticed who had an unusual joy in life. This included a student that Garrett met while studying abroad in Europe during college. When Garrett asked the student about his happiness, he replied that it was all thanks to being a Christian. Garrett told him that he too was a Christian and knew about God. But the student challenged him and reminded him that the Devil also knew about God.
Garrett shrugged this off but would continue to feel God’s pursuit.
When Garrett returned from Europe, a girl he had gone out with told him that she was pregnant with his child and asked him if he was ready to marry her and raise their family. Instead, Garrett helped pay for a secret abortion and was struck by the sadness they felt after aborting their baby, though he couldn’t explain why he was grieved by the event.
Inexplicable Darkness
During Halloween weekend, Garret invited a friend named David to come up to his place to party. David came, but soon made it clear he wasn’t there to party. Instead, he was there to share Jesus with Garrett. Once again, Garrett brushed his friend off, but the seed was planted.
A few nights later, in the middle of a rave and high on drugs, Garret felt a spiritual darkness wash over him. A darkness and burden he had never felt before. The spiritual oppression was frightening, and he felt like a dark “presence” was pushing down on his back.
Garrett retreated to his room and asked God to show Himself in the midst of the darkness. When he looked down, he saw the corner of an old Bible his family had given him, peeking out from under his bed.
He flipped the Bible open at random and the first page he landed on was Ezekiel 18:20-23 which reads:
““The person who sins is the one who will die…But if wicked people turn away from all their sins and begin to obey my decrees and do what is just and right, they will surely live and not die. All their past sins will be forgotten, and they will live…Do you think that I like to see wicked people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live…Put all your rebellion behind you, and find yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die…I don’t want you to die, says the Sovereign Lord. Turn back and live!””
A New Perspective
Garrett thought it was odd the first passage he landed on was relevant to his situation. But when he randomly flipped to the next passage in the Bible, he landed on Romans 2:4:
“Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”
Garrett had been around the Bible plenty of times growing up, but this was the first time it felt like the Bible was speaking to him. It felt freaky and his drug high instantly vanished, something that had never happened before.
Garrett was struck by these verses and realized he was on a dangerous path of disobedience to God.
A few weeks later, he returned home for Christmas break and confessed his sins to his sister: his drinking, drugs, impure relationships, and lying. Then he called David.
David showed up at his house in the middle of the night with his Bible. He had been praying for Garrett when the phone rang.
Garrett isn’t sure if he was saved that night or if his true repentance was later. But that night began a new trajectory that would bring him to God.
God began convicting Garrett of sin in his life and Garrett found a new desire to study the Bible. As he read the Scriptures, he realized that the drugs he was indulging in were making it hard to remember anything he was reading. So, he flushed them down the toilet.
When one friend invited him to go to Panama City Beach for spring break, Garrett resisted. He was convicted that God didn’t want him to go. But he ended up going anyway.
“God is Following Me”
On the way to the beach, Garrett confessed to his friend that he felt like God was following him. His friend laughed it off and told Garrett he was using too many drugs. But the events at Panama City Beach would confirm Garrett’s suspicions.
It seemed that everywhere the two friends went, there was a religious sign, a church van, or a group of people evangelizing. It felt like every random encounter Garrett had with a stranger led right back to someone pointing him back to Jesus.
At a Waffle House, Garrett was approached by a young man, Shelby, who was ministering with a group of Christians from Campus Crusade for Christ (now CRU). He recognized Garrett and asked if he could meet up with Garrett once they were back at Tech and talk about Jesus.
That’s when Garrett’s partying friend agreed: God was following Garrett.
Sharing Jesus
Garrett began meeting regularly with Shelby who answered his numerous questions and began subtly discipling him. Real changes began taking place in Garrett’s life. He grew zealous for Jesus and wanted to share his testimony any chance he could, even going so far as to print out Bible verses about judgment, wrath, and Hell and nail them to the door of his former cocaine dealer. And of course, Garrett's roommates thought he was crazy and was losing his mind.
One semester, Garrett went back to his hometown in West Virginia and helped organize a grassroots evangelistic service with friends that they called “Christ Night”. Hundreds of people from their town came while Garrett and his friends shared the very raw and candid truth about their conversions. Dozens of lives were changed and transformed that night.
God began opening all kinds of doors for Garrett to share his testimony, both one-on-one with individuals and in front of audiences. But Garrett became convinced he needed more discipleship and training.
So, after graduating from Virginia Tech he moved to Denton, Texas and enrolled in a program for young men considering joining the ministry.
A Secret Addiction
Eventually, Garrett began pastoring a small church in Graham, Texas. The congregation began growing quickly and marriages and lives were being restored.
But around this time Garrett began struggling with a dark secret... an addiction to pornography.
Garrett felt trapped. He was afraid that if anyone discovered his sin, they would label him a hypocrite and discard the claims he made about Jesus. But at the same time, Garrett couldn’t resist the temptation to continue indulging in porn.
So, Garrett tried to assuage his conscience while effectively still keeping his sin a secret by vaguely confessing a struggle with “purity stuff” to one friend one month, but then a different friend on a different month. He spread his confessions out across a wide group of people so that no one would truly understand what he was struggling with, or the severity.
Garrett began to rationalize that since the church he was pastoring was doing so well, and was so clearly being blessed by the Lord, then God must be “cool” with Garrett's indiscretions.
Coming Clean
But when Garrett began dating the girl who would eventually become his wife, Carrie, he realized that he would finally need to come clean about his struggle. On their 3rd date, Garrett fully confessed to Carrie his struggle and she gently reminded him that if Christ could forgive Garrett, so could she.
Garrett began to have victory from sexual temptation, but if he thought his previous sins had been ignored by God and there wouldn’t be consequences, Garrett was wrong.
Garrett was about to plant a new church in New Jersey with a friend, when he felt convicted that he should let his friend know about the ongoing struggle he had been having with sexual sin, as well as his newfound victory.
Garrett’s friend told him that, bluntly, he didn’t feel comfortable entering into ministry with Garrett in light of the things that Garrett had confessed to him. And frankly, he wasn’t sure if Garrett should be a pastor at the moment at all. He encouraged Garrett to return to his church in Texas and share the letter with the elders of his church.
Bringing It to the Light
Garrett took his friend’s advice and returned to Texas to share his confession with his elders. They were heartbroken by it and told him that he needed to come clean to the whole congregation. Before the meeting could happen though, word leaked, and rumors began spreading about Garrett.
By the time the special meeting happened on a Sunday night, it felt like the entire town had come to listen about the young pastor and his sexual sin. It was there, that Garrett laid out his sin before the church.
Many people were shocked and angry. Some walked away from church altogether, not able to reconcile with the hypocrisy they had seen.
At the church elders’ request, Garrett began regularly meeting with a Christian counselor, who helped him fully understand for the first time, that the same Jesus who came to save the sinner, also came to deliver the saints - including even pastors addicted to pornography.
God Never Left
A few weeks later, while helping a widow at his church clear brush from her land, Garrett accidentally ignited a flash fire that left 12% of Garrett’s body completely covered in 2nd and 3rd degree burns spread across his face, arm, leg, and neck.
Garrett was terrified his appearance would be permanently marred by the burns. He even told Carrie that she was free to walk away from their engagement since he might be disfigured for life. She stood by him without question, and they were married 56 days later.
That entire year was the most challenging year of Garrett’s life as he pulled away the mask he had hidden behind all his life and came into the light. But it was also the most rewarding. Garrett found special comfort in reading Hebrews 12:11-13.
“No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Therefore, strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead.”
Carrie’s loyalty, in many ways, echoes God’s loyalty and steadfast love and grace in Garrett’s life. He and Carrie now live in Virginia with their six young children.
Today, Garrett faithfully serves as the Senior Pastor at Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia.
God has been faithful to Garrett all throughout his life. From the early seeds that were planted, to the faithful wounds and prayers of friends, to the challenging times of honesty and humbling, God has been following Garrett.
He never left Garrett, and He’ll never leave us. The same Christ who came to save the sinners, also came to deliver the saints.
—
Jace Bower is a writer with a passion for justice and biblical principles. He writes at jacebower.com.
Additional Links
Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia (where Garrett pastors today)
The Stand That Saved My Soul (Garrett’s written testimony)
Books Written by Garrett
Church – Do I Have to Go? (Amazon)
Porn and the Pastor: The Life and Death Consequences of Addiction in Ministry (Amazon)
Photos From Garrett
