#59 My Marriage Was Crumbling - Barbara Mula
Barbara’s life growing up was chaotic at best and scarred with abuse. To protect herself, Barbara put up emotional walls and developed a tough personality.
But when her marriage began crumbling, she realized those walls would never hold up. If everything she thought to be true was false, how would she ever find a firm foundation?
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The following is a summary of the podcast interview above with Barbara Mula. Many more details are included in the original podcast episode and we encourage you to listen.
Written by Jace Bower
Growing Up Under Abuse
Barbara Mula grew up as the second of five children in New Orleans, Louisiana. Her family was not Christian and they didn’t care at all about God. They didn’t even attend church, even in the midst of the cultural Christianity of the Bible Belt.
Barbara’s father physically abused her siblings and there was a heavy tension in their home at all times. Each moment could bring out her father’s rage without any prior warning. Barbara hid from the unpredictable tension by trying to live under the radar.
Sometimes after her father would finish raging he would be filled with remorse. Barbara naturally wanted to be a peacemaker and would try to console him. She would tell him that she still loved him, hoping that she could somehow change him, but it never worked.
Barbara’s father never beat her, but he did molest her while she slept. Her home wasn’t safe and Barbara was constantly under the threat of her father’s rage and abuse.
Encountering God’s Peace
One day, while Barbara’s father was beating one of his daughters, Barbara fled to her room to escape the situation. She found a tract that laid out the Gospel. While reading the tract, she felt an immense sense of peace fill her heart. She didn’t come to faith at that moment, but she did pray for God to fill her family with the same peace she felt.
Just a few days later, Barbara was riding in the car with her father. They passed a Baptist church and her father pointed it out and told Barbara that they would be attending the church the following Sunday.
At that moment, Barbara felt that God had begun to answer her prayer. She knew He had heard her request and He was working.
From Soft to Walled-In
The family attended church for a few years and Barbara grew close to the wife of the young pastor.
However, there was a falling out and the family stopped attending the church. Meanwhile, Barbara’s soft demeanor was growing into a rough, walled-off personality.
Students at her school messed with her and she closed herself off from anyone and everyone. She grew tough and arrogant. She also got involved in drinking and partying, and went from one boyfriend to another.
Meeting David
When Barbara graduated high school she joined the Army National Guard while going to college. She wanted to prove her toughness and the military offered that opportunity.
She met David in the National Guard. He stood out to her because of his protectiveness. He looked after her unlike all the other men in her life who only wanted something from her.
The only problem with David was that he was married.
This didn’t stop Barbara. She selfishly didn’t care about David’s wife and justified her feelings by believing the worst about her. They began to have an affair and it culminated with David leaving his wife for Barbara.
Anger Morphing into Anxiety
David and Barbara got married and five years later had their first child.
Barbara didn’t want her son to grow up like she did and this stirred up anxiety in her life. Rather than being tough and confident, she became more and more worried and needy.
David didn’t know how to handle his wife’s anxiety and he retreated more and more into his career. Barbara began going to see a therapist to work through the anxiety she faced.
Sharing Her Story
Barbara’s therapist advised her to write out her life story and share it with someone she trusted. By this time, David and Barbara’s marriage was under severe strain and Barbara had no other friends to turn to.
The only person she could think of was her old youth pastor’s wife. She wrote out her life story and found her youth pastor’s wife on Facebook. She sent the entire story in a private message. The woman Barbara messaged reached back out and asked to have a phone call with Barbara.
During that phone call, Barbara’s old mentor encouraged her to listen to Focus on the Family’s podcast.
Hearing Hope
A few days after talking with her mentor, Barbara listened to the podcast she had recommended.
She listened to one talk from a woman who had been abused as a child and whose marriage had been in trouble just like Barbara’s was at the time.
But God had powerfully transformed this woman’s story and Barbara thought that maybe He could do the same for her.
She prayed to God that He would transform her life and give her peace from her anxiety. She prayed that He would heal her marriage. And she placed her hope and faith in Him.
Praying in the Closet, All the Time
After her conversion, Barbara began to pray constantly. She was convicted by Philippians 4:6 which calls on Christians to “in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
Barbara took this call seriously. Every time she found herself filled with anxiety about something, she would pray about it. She prayed in her closet every day and over time her relationship with God flourished.
She prayed for David. By now, they hardly talked and their marriage was hanging on by a thread. Barbara didn’t tell David about her new faith but she did pray consistently for him.
David’s Confession
The Holy Spirit began impressing on Barbara that she would soon help David confess something. She didn’t want to and was afraid of what would happen but she submitted to the Spirit.
Not much later, David and Barbara had a conversation about secrets. In the course of the conversation, David confessed that he had had an affair. He had ended it but the secret had been eating at him.
Watching “Fireproof”
The next day, things were understandably awkward. David didn’t want to talk about anything and Barbara didn’t want to broach the subject either. Instead, they sat down to watch the movie Fireproof which a college roommate of Barbara’s had recommended to her.
Barbara didn’t know what the movie was about and as soon as she saw that it was about God redeeming a broken marriage she was sure that David would be annoyed and uninterested.
Instead, to Barbara’s surprise, he was completely undone. He wanted to love Barbara well and watching the film began a process of transformation in his own life. God was answering Barbara’s prayers for David and their marriage.
David Changes
David had met Jesus and placed his faith in Him. Immediately, Barbara began to see changes in her husband. At first, it was simple things like making coffee for his wife but then she noticed that he was reading the Bible and praying with her.
Together the couple prayed for a Christian community they could participate in. God answered their prayer by connecting Barbara with a Christian woman at the local library who was a pastor’s wife. The family began attending church and got plugged into a strong Christian fellowship.
God Answers Prayer
Answered prayer has been a theme throughout Barbara’s story. From her first prayer for peace in her family at a young age to God’s transformation of her husband and their marriage to the fellowship of Christians they’ve found, God has been showering blessings down in answer to her prayers.
God hears our prayers and is working in our lives. Even if we don’t immediately see His hand, we can trust with full assurance that He hears us and is working for the good of His children. Barbara’s story reminds us to remain faithful in prayer and thanksgiving.
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Jace Bower is a writer with a passion for justice and biblical principles. He writes at jacebower.com.
Additional Information about Barbara
Contact Barbara at: barbara.mula@me.com.
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Barbara’s testimony is recorded in "the Reality of Hope" exhibit at the Faith and Liberty Discovery Center in Philadelphia.
Resources Barbara Recommends
(movie) Fireproof - stream or buy on Amazon (the same movie that Barbara and David watched)
(book) What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage by Paul David Tripp (this is the same book that Barbara and David first studied in the community group they were visiting)
(book) Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? by Gary Thomas
(article) The Best Sermon for Marriage: Seven Lessons for Lasting Love
Focus on the Family articles and podcast (this is the same podcast Barbara was listening to when she cried out to God)
(music video) Holy - The City Harmonic (“It always reminds me of what marriage really represents, Christ and His bride.” - Barbara)
Lakeview Christian Center (Barbara’s church in New Orleans)
